A PECULIAR PICKLE PARTY


Yesterday saw an interesting presentation outside City Hall. Mayor Baron von Lahey and associate Solomon Sedgwick staged a demonstration of their proposed redesign of Watch City’s power grid using a breed of specially cultivated “Super Pickle” as a new superconductor for the town’s old generators.

A large wooden box with the words “DEFINITELY A PICKLE MACHINE” was wheeled on by the Mayor’s minions interns and introduced by Mr. Sedgwick as a generator powered by his Super Pickles contained in a box to protect the public from its “electritude”. An array of lamps, toasters, and George Foreman Grills were then brought out and plugged into the box. Each device was then shown to be fully operational.

“Behold the power of my pickle!” announced Sedgwick, “It will power your homes with genuinely green energy without having to build any ugly towers.” When asked by a reporter if the pickles were safe, Sedgwick called one of the Baron’s hapless patsies interns and instructed him to eat one of the Super Pickles. The intern proceeded to eat the pickle, turn a bright shade of green, run off the stage, and vomit into a waste paper basket. The waste paper basket proceeded to froth at the rim, overflow, and ultimately melt. “That vomit is a super fertilizer that can be used to accelerate the growth of the pickles!” claimed Sedgwick, “One gallon can fertilize an entire crop!”

When asked to comment on the presentation, Queen Mercy stated: “Not only does Mr. Sedgwick have no qualifications of any kind, hasn’t a single honest bone in his body. That this ludicrous fraud has even been considered as a viable solution is repulsive.”